Over the weekend my daughter and I flew to the Vancouver, Canada area to spend some time with my dad and my sister. My father and I have never had an easy, close relationship but recently I have come to realize that I need to find a way to be there for him regardless -- as much for my kids' sake as my own. My own teenaged son has grown more distant from me as he journeys through the emotional whitewater of the adolescent years, and I feel the tug of my history -- to accept that distance as "inevitable" -- and the tug of father-yearning from him simultaneously.
I was grateful to be able to bring my 20-year-old daughter with me, and enjoyed making the family connections for her -- she had not seen her aunt or grandfather for six years. I also really enjoyed just spending some quiet time with her. With her, as well as with my son, I fall very easily into judging myself as a failure whenever they make choices that I know to be self-limiting or self-destructive, and when I don't layer on a lot of "fathering" in my interactions with them (by which I mean giving them advice, direction, telling them what I think of their choices, making judgments about them etc. etc.). But I am working hard to shut the heck up and just spend time with them.
This is hard work! But this weekend was a good one -- bringing people I love together.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment