A Trip to London

My dad turned 90 this May and his oldest friend (my godfather) turned 90 in November. Dad wanted to travel to London to celebrate these significant birthdays and re-visit family, and I got to go with him since I am looking for work and have the time.

It was a remarkable trip in a lot of ways, not least of which was the ways in which my relationship with my father was permanently changed as a result of this trip. I spent a week with him in London taking care of him (he is rather disabled with arthritis, hearing loss, and losing sight in one eye) and having some very open and frank conversations about family matters.

Most important to me, however, was the sense of mutual appreciation that came from our time together. We enjoyed each other's company and had some grand adventures -- including a day trip to Paris that was basically an excuse to sit in cafes and enjoy French food, wine, and ambience.

This may seem unremarkable -- but I must tell you that I have been angry at my dad for most of my adult life, and very disconnected from him as a result. He lives a long way away from me and I do not have many occasions to be with him or even to talk with him. It gradually became clear to me that this disconnection was not good for me or for my sense of being a father to my own kids. So, a couple of years ago I started to call him regularly (every couple of weeks), and did some significant work in my men's group on my anger toward my father.

A few weeks before the trip to London, I did some extraordinary work around this anger and finally felt it burn itself out -- it is not "over" and will never be gone, but it no longer has the hold on me that it did. I am more interested in connection now, and to my amazement, it is still possible. This is a true blessing, and one I believe my dad and I share equally.